First of all, it's just a fuckin movie. I was entertained for almost 2 and a half hours straight. I seriously pissed for like 10 minutes straight afterward cause I stupidly ordered small trough of coke zero on my way in.
I think most of us have way overblown expectations for nostalgia for something that wasn't quite as good as we remember it. The originals are painfully slow at times for me to rewatch. I still love em though.
CowtownKahuna wrote:
******SPOILER ALERT!!! SERIOUSLY. THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS, I ASSURE YOU.*****
The more I think about it, the angrier I get.
There are minor quibbles;
-Most of the jokes sucked and fell flat
eh, they were quick, some worked, and overall worth a try.
CowtownKahuna wrote:
-Some of the CGI was shitty (crystal foxes, I'm looking in your directon)
-How the fucking fuck can something be out of range IN A VACUUM?!?!? Unless your name is foredeckape, consider this rhetorical.
I sure the fuck am not foredeckape and this is in the minor section so I'll leave it, but some shitty CGI does not ruin a movie.
CowtownKahuna wrote:
-The entire Finn & Knives Chow go to the casino subplot didn't feel like Star Wars at all.
Completely disagree, unlikely characters teaming up for a side adventure, meshing different skills and experiences to attempt an improbable task, yup. I will admit that the execution was not up to par. The dumb parking on the beach and thinking they could go in and get their guy by just walking around in their rebel gear was poor, but I liked seeing the world and the scum and villainy callback.
CowtownKahuna wrote:
-Who was Darth Snek, really? And why is he such a dick?
Did you want the movie to be longer? I'm curious too, but he's gone. I remember feeling a bit like that about the emperor many years ago, but got over it pretty quickly.
CowtownKahuna wrote:
-Why is Marysue Skywalker always better at everything than everyone with NO TRAINING?!?!?
Agreed, Luke used to get lucky with little or no training, and that usually bit him on the ass at least a little. I assumed this was because she was some sort of forcebaby. I'm glad she's not, or at least hope she's not, they have left some wiggle room, but it would go against the main overarching theme of seeding a rebellion of anyone with hope. Definitely some mixed messages throughout the franchise on this.
CowtownKahuna wrote:
-Why even have Admiral Akbar in the movie if he only gets 2 lines before killing him off? That was total bullshit.
Other than "It's a trap" has he said anything important before? Even that's not important since we've all figured it out by the time he says it.
CowtownKahuna wrote:
-Tiki Vee elaborated on how the movie would have been way better if Admiral Genderstudies had explained her strategy to Gomez Addams.
This was my biggest gripe and I've gone back and forth on it. It was so obvious as it unfolded. There was no way that his plan was going to work and him be the hero and show her up. But they gave no inkling that she had a plan at all. Would a great leader at least project that there's more going on than meets the eye? I think so. On the other hand, would she tell a hothead who had just been demoted (so he probably shouldn't have been able to talk to her directly) the details of her plan, or allow him to openly question her in front of the organization she was leading? She probably should have taken him aside, but a lot of shit was going on.
CowtownKahuna wrote:
Then there are major quibbles;
-The same Luke Skywalker who willingly got captured by Emperor Palpatine and shipped to the Death Star because he thought there might be some good left in Darth Vader was gonna murder Darth Emo (his own nephew, mind you) in his sleep because bad feelz? Seriously???? Rian Johnson fundamentally failed to comprehend Luke's character.
Seemed like the old Luke who had impulses that he didn't always control well. He was never going to murder him, but it crossed his mind. I do think he would have been better able to control that impulse by now, but what else was going to tip Darth Emo to the dark side? Maybe it would have been more believable as an astral projection of Luke that Darth Emo believed to be real (also would have foreshadowed his belief in the projection at the end.
CowtownKahuna wrote:
-If you're gonna kill Luke at the end anyway, why bother with the astral projection tripe? It would have been so much better and so much more according to cannon if Luke actually showed up, fought Darth Emo and died a proper hero's death. Credit where it's due, Mark Hamill turned in a hell of a performance.
I pretty much agree, but the results are pretty much the same either way. I do think he died a proper hero's death anyway, sacrificing himself. And the projection stuff probably foreshadows things to come that may or may not be things we'll like.
CowtownKahuna wrote:
-The entire movie relentlessly hammers on the connection between Marysue Skywalker and Darth Emo. The entire movie relentlessly hammers even more on the need for balance in the Force. For all his faults, Darth Emo has a moment of perfect clarity, kills Darth Snek in a very cool way, displays his loyalty to Marysue Skywalker and then puts all the bullshit aside. He's all like, "Hey, Marysue Skywalker. My Space Nazis are awful people and your Every-Community-College-Ad-Ever Collective sucks, too. Both sides have been fucking up the galaxy for millennia. Since we've both been ordained by the gods of our universe as their chosen vessels, how bout we just run shit together and bring about the aforementioned balance to the Force?" And I'm all like, "No way! The writers finally figured out a way to polish this Gordian Knot of a turd!" Nope. Marysue Skywalker denies her divine right and goes back to join Finn, Knives Chow, Gomez Addams and Admiral Genderstudies. Why? There is no explanation given. No possible motive explored. No inkling of a reason reasoned.
This was the exact point where I started openly rooting for Darth Emo.
May the Force be with the First Order.
Palpatine did nothing wrong.
I hope and expect that's where the next movie is going.
I know this won't change your mind, but hope you stop getting angrier. It's Christmas, have some nog.
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